Frustration.

I’ve been in constant re-evaluation of.. everything lately. I feel like I’ve been in the midst of taking one step forward and two steps back. I’ve found out that I am much better at making stupid decisions than I am making good ones. Welcome to the life of the average college kid, eh? I guess I should give myself a little credit. It’s not like I got out & party & all that jazz, but man.. I wish people knew who I was when the rest of the world isn’t around. Well. Wait. False. I’m thankful the rest of the world doesn’t know who I am when no one’s around. Character is who you are in front of others. Integrity is who you are when it’s just you and God. A lot of people see that I have relatively high character.. not many people know that my integrity can be below ground zero. There are days that I fail miserably. Whether it’s in attitude or action, I’ve found that I need to work on my integrity in a huge way.

With that said, I read a quote tonight that literally brought me to the very edge of tears..

“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”

This hit hard. True courage isn’t always the person who runs in, sword unsheathed, ready to kill like Simon Peter of the discipes. But sometimes it’s the one who, even with a hung head, knows that tomorrow is another chance. Another shot for renewed hope and opportunity. Sometimes it’s the person who’s lost the game but walks away with the quiet determination and quiet strength to wake up even earlier tomorrow to train even harder. Sometimes it’s the sinner who has, again, fallen into the world’s trap and realizes that today’s battle may have been lost, but tomorrow’s has yet to be fought. It’s one of the most humbling quotes I’ve read in a very long time. I try to fight and battle my way out of things, when really, let’s face it.. I’ve been beat. I’m realizing that I can’t always be strong and fight everything. Sometimes I’m going to just have to try again tomorrow. It’s definitely where I’m at right now. I’m finding myself losing a lot of battles against myself and instead of delving into Scripture, seeking the help of others, and time spent on my knees in prayer, I’m scolding myself, dragging myself down even further, and beating myself over the head with what will never work. Granted, there is a time for me to get mad at myself and be truly upset with the way I’ve acted, but I can’t have that attitude constantly in hopes that it will work for reversing the way I act. Sometimes I have to accept the fact that, yeah, I did lose this battle TODAY. But TOMORROW is a new day. This attitude needs to be present all while keeping in mind this is not an escape route for when I do fall short of what God wants me to do.

I was greatly disheartened this week with a fellow .. Christian’s .. view on politics. This person believed that the Bible should, in no way, govern our society. This presents many humongous problems. If we aren’t going to incorporate our Savior into our government, what ARE we going to incorporate Him into? The government has affected literally every aspect of our lives. That should scare everyone. Everything you come upon somehow answers to our government. Look at how much power we have given them. This is ridiculous. I was watching I, Robot today and saw it in a WHOLE new light. Think of our government as the robots. Their purpose is to give us everything we want, make everything easier, take care of what we could do for ourselves, and make our lives all-around simple. But then all it took was one corrupted link in all of it, and the whole thing crashed down. We trusted them too much, and they became smarter and overtook society. We relied on them to keep us safe, and instead they’re taking over our lives. That isn’t safety. That’s slavery. And in all of this, a Christian has the audacity to say that God shouldn’t be allowed into the way our lives are governed? Have we missed the point of following Jesus, which was to love him above all else? And if that’s so, aren’t we loving ourselves MORE by asking him to quietly take a row in the back of the room while we run our society the way WE want instead of the way HE wants? Isn’t that what we’ve done? It sickens me. It sickens me that believers think it best for religion to not sway the way you vote. If you’re a Christian, listen closely: If God isn’t affecting EVERY major decision, such as who you are choosing to lead your country, then you need to re-evaluate whether or not you’re truly on board with this whole Jesus thing or not. Your religion, your choice to follow Christ, better be the FIRST thing that sways your vote. Cold hard fact: You cannot follow Jesus if you are unwilling to surrender your life entirely, including your political views. Sometimes this means voting for the Democrat when you’re a Republican. Sometimes (well. a lot of times [strictly my opinion]) this may mean voting Republican when you’re a Democrat in order to save the lives of millions of children from being aborted. Oh by the way, have you ever noticed that everyone who is FOR abortion has already been born? Anyway. Not what this is about. I’m tired of myself sitting on the sidelines of Christianity and watching other people play the game. We’ve been to enough after-school practices. It’s time that we decide to step out on the playing field and do something. It sickens me how many of us silence ourselves. No wonder our country is where it’s at! Instead of others silencing us, we do it ourselves! We worry about the opinions of others. We worry about whether we’ll keep our reputations. It’s high-time we swallowed our pride and DID something for once! Afterall, show me an atheist who will still claim there is no God if a gun is ever held to his head, and the other person is threatening death if they choose to not believe. (Granted, there are many wrong things with this statement. Stick with me.) You can’t tell me there will be ONE who will say there isn’t one. Why? Because they want their precious lives. Who’s going to die for their faith historically? Muslims and Christians. I’ve never heard of a Buddhist being martyred. I’ve never heard tell of a Wiccaan take a stance for a tree in order to save their life. Who is it that takes it to the extreme, no matter what the cost? The Christians and the Muslims. So where are you? What will you pick? What will I pick? I hope we’re taking the time to study, learn, grow, and connect. It’s about time we did something, don’t you think?

I have tons more I could talk about. I know it’s been quite a while. Things have been busy. Hopefully I’ll get another one up tomorrow night.

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