As I sit here completely wracked in sin-caused shame, I’m reminded of something: Our relationship with Christ isn’t about overcoming a certain sin or struggle. It’s about falling more and more in love with Yaweh as to no longer see anyone or anything but Him; sin is no longer recognizable within us, because we shine the light that He has shone into us. My problem lately is that I’ve stopped falling in love with Christ. With that being said, I’m not talking about emotionally (although I must admit, there have been few “feelings” of “love” lately), but even from a commitment standpoint: I’ve stopped caring most about Him and started caring more about myself. Ding ding ding. Another moment. Okay seriously, marriage relationships have to be the greatest example of a relationship with Christ in so many ways. The most successful marriages I’ve seen are the ones where the two individuals put the needs of their partner above their own. Christ needs nothing from me, yet he decided to give me the opportunity to be in a relationship with him, which then opened the door for me to be able to see what true love is like. Let’s just be real – my relationship with God has TANKED lately because I’ve paid more attention to my own desires than to what His are. His are that I love him above all else. He comes before everything. I must desire him more than I desire a relationship with ANYONE else. Oooou-hou-houch. Some of you know why that’s hitting me so hard right now.
I’m a 20-year-old single female. We all know that the vast majority of females my age who are single are prooobably desiring a relationship in some way, myself included. I’ve been VERY clear with God recently that if I’m not supposed to marry a certain individual that I’ve been praying about for quite some time now, then I’m NOT marrying anyone at all. I refuse. (Yeah, now let’s all laugh at the fact that God’s going to throw Mr. Right directly in front of me and I’ll fight left & right to avoid it. Ha!) I’m starting to see that although I’ve been trying to hear God’s voice in all of this and really try to decipher what I’m supposed to do, at some point I started putting this desire over my desire for God. That is a dangerous, dangerous place to be in. That’s dancing along the lines of idolization. Unfortunately, being a naturally very passionate person means losing sight of the big picture. People have described me as being passionate time and time again, and they’re completely correct in saying that: You touch on a point that I believe in and you will FIND OUT just how passionate I am. =P You play the right song and buddy, you will KNOW passion in a very real way. This is a God-given thing, but Satan has this clever way of taking God-given talents and strengths and warping them to where they look like weaknesses. I’m not sure I believe that they’re ever weaknesses. Part of me really wants to say that SEEING them as a weakness is another lie from Satan. Gifts from God can never be weaknesses. What they CAN be is messed up. We mess them up because we enable Satan to assist us in this process. Don’t enable Satan. Don’t even let him get his foot in the door. As Christians, we must never hand the control of our passions over to Satan. Lay them at the feet of the Creator. Give them back as a love-offering to God.
Pray on friends. Keep the Hetrick family in your prayers. Ed’s funeral was one of the hardest things to go through today. Saying goodbye to those who are vital figures in your life is never easy. Love and miss you, friend..