Well, this past week will go down as quite an unforgettable week. If there’s ever been a time when God has tried to teach me to fully rely on Him, it is right now.
Monday I experienced quite possibly the largest heart break to date. I’m thankful for it for a few reasons. One, it reminds me that I’m not stone cold when it comes to emotions anymore (I tend to forget that more often than not). Two, it tells me that I’m finally willing to move on with my life. I’ve decided that I’m not going to suppress my feelings this time. If it hurts, I’m going to allow it to hurt and cry it out if I need to. That doesn’t mean I’m going to throw myself into self-hatred and depression. I’m just not going to keep everything in this time. The REAL test will be whether or not I decide to allow someone else to see that hurt. Over the past few months I’ve slipped back into this mode of putting a smile on about everything. Don’t get me wrong; God has given me true joy and genuine happiness with a different outlook on things since the beginning of summer, but due to busyness and never slowing down, I’ve been shoving other than happiness to the back burner lately. I’m noticing that I’m not nearly as social as usual, but I will say that has to do with being so PSYCHO-BUSY this semester. Anyway, back on track. Lessons learned..
First of all, if someone has hurt you don’t wait five years to tell them. Get it over with. You’ll thank yourself later, and it will probably save the friendships that are most important to you.
Second, don’t hesitate to tell your friends you love them. It’ll also save friendships in the long run. If you realize you don’t tell your friends you appreciate them hardly ever or not at all, stop it. Even if it’s awkward the first few times; tell them. Don’t allow anyone to doubt your allegiance to them as a friend.
Third, if you hurt, let it hurt.
Fourth, do NOT doubt the power of God or the way he moves, or the people he moves in. Don’t limit him to moving only in your deepest friendships. Sometimes he absolutely knocks you down with new friendships.
Lastly and probably the biggest, turn your wailing into dancing (Psalm 30).
Today I applied for a missions trip with CIY to Cambodia to the Rapha House – a safe house for girls after they’ve been rescued from the sex trade (think maybe I should tell my parents sometime?!). I’m turning my wailing into dancing. I hurt myself quite a bit a few years ago when things didn’t go the way I expected them to. This caused wailing. This week I finally coughed up to someone that I was hurt with the way they treated me in the past. That caused wailing. Now I’m dancing. I guess God just kinda smacked me with the fact that it’s completely okay to mourn over something, but in the end if it doesn’t produce good in your life, what’s the point? Even storms bring about good things. The rain rejuvenates color in the spring and summer. You want the rainbow, you gotta make it through the rain. I don’t think the psalmist meant for someone to merely turn their physical wailing into physical dancing. I think he meant for us to take a bad situation and turn it into good. Take a wound that was inflicted on you by yourself, by others, by the world, Satan, whatever/whoever else and bless someone else with it. If God truly meant what he said in Jeremiah 29:11, then I doubt he ever meant for a rain storm to not have a rainbow. I’ve yet to have one “bad” thing happen to me that didn’t help me grow in the end. This situation is no different. So…
Cambodia, here I come. :) Well.. hopefully at least. :)
Pray. Please. :)